Wow. That took alot out of me. Chris stopped over to drop of some of my things. We talked for a bit. He knows that I didn't mean to hurt him and that I tried to do this in the best way that I could. I mean, there isnt exactly a good way to break up with someone but he appreciates that I talked to him in person instead of over the phone or something. Tim has been helping him out alot and I want to think him for that but I'm not sure he'd want to hear from me. He says that no one hates me for it. I told him that I need some time to decide if this is what is right for me and that I've been doing alot of jumping between being happier and doubting myself. He hasnt been sleeping or eating very much but I think that will start to change in time.

I've been kinda sick for the past few days and it sucks. My throat hurts, my nose is all stuffy, and I havent really been able to eat much of anything. Work has been going alot like normal. I'm kinda sad that we arent getting a bonus this quarter but at least I'm gonna get the tax thing back. It will be nice to have money again. Hrm...yesterday i didnt sleep at all because my throat hurt too bad. Then I ended up falling asleep in the middle of a new episode of Lost. Chris says I was only out for about 15 minutes but he wouldnt tell me what had happened. I'll probably end up watching that as soon as I'm done writing here. After that I took a bunch of medicine and went to sleep. Today was pretty awesome even though I've felt like crap all day. I went out shopping with Sarah, Yancey, and another Emily. It turned out being really fun. I got a few cute things to wear and some books. Yancey is terrible to shop with though. He's like an evil shopping conscience. I ended up spending way more than I should have. I think we're gonna make this a regular thing or at least I hope so. When I got back I went out to Chris's house for a little bit. I was completely miserable so I went home to take a nap. There was food here so I ended up eating. It made me feel better for awhile. Then I got worse. I'm thinking I should probably go to the doctor tomorrow. I went last week and they gave me antibiotics but they didnt work. Sarah says that it sounds like mono but I really hope it's not. I've been sitting around talking to people and listening to music. I think I'm feeling alot better emotionally now. It still hurts a lot but I'm getting used to that, I guess. I mean, it's been long enough so I should be completely over it by now. My heart is just stupid.

I have returned once again. Yesterday went quite well. I went out bowling with chris and a bunch of other people. I didn't do very well but I had lots of fun. We were out kinda late and ended up staying up till 2. Six hours of sleep doesnt really cut it. I have to take a nap sometime today anyways cuz I have to work tonight. I hoping that this weekend ends up being interesting. I'm pretty sure i'm hanging out at Chris's both days. Then on Monday morning when I get out of work I'll prolly head over to Kat's. Other than that i really don't know whats going on. Next wednesday I'll probably take Sarah and go over to Steff's place.  We were supposed to go this week but I was dumb and fell asleep. Not having a set sleeping schedule is really starting to take its toll on me. I'll fall asleep at random times without really meaning to. I like going to work tired though. Time seems to fly by that way which is good in that place. The last night I worked I got out an hour and a half early which was pretty sweet.  I think that is it for now. I need to go find some way to occupy myself.

It's been awhile and a lot has happened. I don't even know where to start. I have a job now so I spend most of my time working and sleeping. It's really nice working 3rd shift. The only thing that sucks is that I don't really get to see anyone anymore. I've lost contact with most of my friends and that saddens me. Things have been going well with Chris. We're thinking of getting our own place sometime this year. I might be going to Florida to visit Meg at some point too so that will be awesome. I've been a little down lately and I'm not entirely sure why. I thought I was through it but apparently whenever I start to get better it just hits me all over. I'll get over it someday. Until then I think the best bet is to keep busy and pretend that everything is fine. Maybe I'll just start to believe that it is.

I was just reading a myspace survey and it reminded me of how much I miss my friends in Toledo. There were people that I'd hang out with nearly every day and now I just don't see them anymore at all. It's saddening. I miss the days when I'd pull all-nighters to hang out with dusty and rob even though I had class all the next day. I miss playing guitar hero for hours on end with ryan. I miss living with christine and jean and every day being more fun than the last. I miss ashley being there so we could just talk about stuff that was going on in our lives. I miss being totally pwned by eric at ddr when we would play. Just a long list of people and there are definately more. Maybe ill move out there someday.

I found the entry I wrote. My computer thought it'd be funny to crash partways and then move the tab over so it looked like this window was gone. Yay for finding it!

A couple of days ago I went on a little trip to Toledo and I had fun although it was kinda hard to. My biggest problem was that I felt pretty horrible the entire time I was there and could barely eat anything. I think a lack of sleep mixed with drinking too much mountain dew might have caused that. I left right after I got out of work pretty much. Meg decided to not come along. I guess I should start from the day before. On Sunday I slept at night because I stayed with Chris. I should have taken a long nap before work so I would be nice and rested but I only ended up sleeping for a couple of hours. Then I got up, went to work, and left for Toledo. At this point the plan was to get a nap when I got there. That was pretty impossible though. I was really too excited to see everyone again so I couldnt get myself to sleep. I might have gotten in an hour or so but after that I woke up and really couldnt get back to sleep. I went out to the mall with dusty and we went to gamestop then to best buy. I realized that all the money I set aside for the trip wasn't gonna get used much cuz meg wasnt with me and i had planned on paying for everything for her so i spent it on some anime. We ran into justin and aaron on the way out of best buy and talked for a bit. then i headed back over to dusty's. kyle was over as well. I can't quite remember if matt was or not. I don't know when he showed up. But those of us that were present watched the two lucky star dvds that I had bought. We were watching it when guy called and said he'd be coming down too. We finished watching them and he showed up at some point in the middle. It had been decided when he called that we were going to see the new batman movie cuz i had not yet seen it. I was starting to get really tired but I wanted to stay up as long as possible to hang out with everyone. The movie was at 8:30 and I had pretty much been awake for 24 hours minus that one little nap. The movie ended up being really good. I wish i would have caught more of it. I was so tired that when alot of things would happen at once i got really confused. I'm pretty sure that dusty, justin, and guy had already seen the movie. I don't remember too much after we got back from the movie. Just that I felt really sick and miserable. I thought I might have a fever because of the way i felt. I ended up taking some asprin and trying to sleep a little bit. Dusty brought me out a fan to try to help a bit. I couldn't get adjusted to the temperature at all though. I ate a soda cracker and drank some water.I kept going outside because for some reason standing up in the fresh air made me feel a little bit better. I think that was when almost everyone started playing wow. Justin didn't cuz he hates the game as much as I do and guy didn't cuz his computer was all packed up in his vehicle. I sat out in the living room with them for a bit and tried to feel better. Eventually i went back and tried to sleep again but was way too cold. I traded off blankets with guy cuz his was warmer. He said he didnt really mind and that i looked like i needed it a bit more than he did. I did get to sleep but it was very....interrupted, I guess. Whenever people would walk through the room to get to or from dusty's room it would wake me up. That and i was constantly getting too warm. Sometimes I was just waking up for no reason at all. By the next morning I felt completely better. I woke up at 9:30 cuz I had plans to hang out with eric at 10. We ended up just going to subway. I got half a sub and ate about 3 bites of it and felt like i couldn't eat any more. It was like that pretty much the whole time i was there. Eric couldn't hang out for long cuz he had an in-class study session for a math class. We pretty much just sat in the student union and talked. I dont think i was very talkative because i was starting to feel sickish again. When I got back to dusty's almost everyone was still sleeping. I was going to do some reading but guy was awake and asked if i wanted to go get some breakfast. I wasn't really hungry but i went along and ended up getting a yummy milkshake. Then we headed back to hang out with everyone else but they were all still asleep. We decided to go out somewhere to pass the time so he got ready and i sat around playing my psp for a bit. Justin woke up and he ended up coming with us. He works at the mall and needed a ride there so that's where we went. We went to borders and then wandered around alot. We went to best buy and I sulked over the fact that the third lucky star dvd isnt out yet. When we returned everyone was finally awake again but they were playing wow. I called asmah and ended up going out to get her and her sister. We went to this one anime shop, then to the wing station, then to a game store. It was pretty fun but I was starting to get really tired and therefore, sick again. I felt bad that I couldn't hang out with them longer. Asmah insisted that I go back and rest though. She gave me a present and I felt kind of bad because she really didnt have to. It was really  cute though. There was a stuffed bear with a box. In the box there were little sculpturey things she made for me. One of them was a cat from azumanga daoih. The other ones were the rice ball and kyo as a cat from fruits basket. They are so adorableness! I got back and read for a bit cuz they were all still playing wow. Then dusty said that we could put in a movie or something so i went in to watch whatever it was. I fell asleep not too far into it. When I woke up the movie was over. They were all still playing wow. I was getting kinda bored with that so I went out for bit and tried to find something to do to occupy myself. I ended up going to walmart and wandering around aimlessly. It was a pretty dull night. I got back and they were still playing so I just went to sleep. Apparently while I was gone I missed rob's visit over though. That was very saddening because i was really hoping to see him sometime. The next morning they were still playing. I tried to get ahold of ashy so we could hang out but she wasnt answering. I eventually just ended up leaving. So overall it was pretty good. I blame too much mountain dew, wow, and staying awake for any non-fun i had there. Next time I definately need to plan further in advance and get a couple of days off. I also need to see ashy and rob cuz i missed them this time around. Chris is having fun in California. I'm not sure what all he has been doing cuz he's been way too busy to talk to me. I get that though. It was hard finding time to call him when i was in florida. I know that one day he said that tim and him where going to check out the city and go to china town. Then tim's uncle planned a trip to the grand canyon, the hoover dam, and las vegas for a few days. I think that they are in Nevada right now but I'm not sure. He has promised to take many pics of the grand canyon for me cuz he knows that ive always wanted to go there. Tim sent me a picture of chris in front of the golden gate bridge one day so i know hes been there too. I'm not really sure where else though. He'll most likely tell me all about it when he gets home. That's still a bit away though. Megs birthday is tomorrow and i have no idea what to get her. I do know that i am gonna try my hardest to wake up in time to go over before work. Chris comes home on tuesday but i prolly wont see him much then. Meg leaves for florida on wednesday so weve planned to hang out all tuesday since its her last real day here. I guess she might come back for winter break but she says shes definately not doing another summer. Then the wednesday after that I have a party to attend. So far I know that jen, ed, john, linda, and I will be there. I'm not sure if theyre inviting anyone else or not yet. I wish chris could come too but he has to work the next morning and its gonna be a night thing. I think thats about all i have for now.

I just wrote huge entry describing my trip to toledo and other stuff that is gonna be going on but my computer crashed so i guess itll all have to just wait till later. 



such a pretty song

She told me
Why she told me lies
Always take care of this
I told her how I've always stayed
Always waiting for nothing

When I get out of here
When I leave you behind
I'll find that the years passed us by

And I can see you
Running through the fields of sorrow
Yes I can, see you
Running through the fields of sorrow

When you get out of here
When you leave me behind
You'll find that the years passed us by

And I can see you
Running through the fields of sorrow
Yes I can, see you
Running through the fields of sorrow

Life hasn't been very interesting lately. Been working alot and such. I should be sleeping now but I just finished a book and I want to let it sink in a bit. If I fall asleep too soon I might forget. I'm in shock that I just finished a 500 page book in two nights. It's been forever since I've been that pulled in. It was pretty good though. The name of the book is twilight if anyone is interested. Hrm, I'm almost sure that I'll be going to Toledo on the 29th and 30th. Still not sure if Meg is coming or not. Her parents will prolly go crazy the day before and tell her she can't go. I think I'll go anyways even if that's the case. I have a list of people that I'm dying to see again. I've already talked to Ash, Asmah, Eric, and Guy and they are all gonna be in the general area. I dunno how I'm gonna split my two days I have there up. I almost want to drive up there as soon as I get out of work on Monday night. Just leave and stay till Thursday afternoon. I don't even know how I feel about going back. Of course it will be awesome to see everyone again but then I'll have to come back home. It's gonna be goodbyes all over again. Chris is leaving this coming tuesday to go to california with Tim and that should be fun for him. Maybe he'll bring me back something nifty. His birthday is this weekend as well. Everything just happens all at once. I'm sorry to the people who are actually reading this that it is so messily written. I am tired and my thoughts are very disjointed as you can prolly tell. Some of my friends from work are trying to plan a get together on a wednesday sometime soon. I think that shall be awesomeness. Work is a strange place. It's kinda like high school again with the gossiping aspect only people are more malicious. I don't think I like that very much. I've met a few people who aren't two-faced like most of the people there. At least I hope they aren't. Amanda got a job there as well. She's been working 2nd and 3rd shift which I find insane. She has to save up money though. She was leaving today when I first got to work and we talked a bit. It pretty much came down to we need to get Sarah away from her house and hang out sometime. I forget which days she has off. Tonight was a little strange because everyone was really quiet which is far from normal. Usually Ed and John pick on either Jen or me all night long. I was not so much my cheery self cuz of thoughts centered around my trip to toledo. I dunno what was going on with Jen but she seemed a little down as well. Maybe tonight will be better even though our quartet won't really be complete. And maybe I'll wake up early enough to see Chris a bit before running off to work. Then when I get home I have the 2nd book of that series to start...and maybe finish.

Okies. Another night of stocking shelves and my back is killing me. I was working 12 and 13 which are the water/pop/snack aisles. Most of the stuff I was moving around was pretty heavy. I started the night working with some other guy but then he had to leave to work on features so I had to finish those two aisles by myself. It was pretty cool. Once I got done zoning 13 I'm sure that it must have been the prettiest aisle in the whole store. It was a really nice feeling. Once that was over Dan sent me to stock a huge pallet of sugar. Sugar is heavy. I didn't realize quite how heavy it actually is. The night went relatively fast. When we went on our first break it felt like I had only been working for 30 minutes when it had really been 2 hours. 

Ok, enough about work. I dunno what else to even talk about. That's all I've been doing. I got a game a few days ago from gamestop. It is called frequency and it is fun. I played it awhile back at a friend's house and was terrible at it. I'm still not great at it but I can play on the normal setting. I have yet to play the multiplayer and I'm wondering what that'll be like. 

I can't wait till Wednesday. I'm finally off work for a couple of days and I might actually do something this time. Hopefully it shall involve Chris and fun. Maybe I'll go over to Meg's too at some point. Maybe Sarah's as well. Woot!

I just felt like writing in here again.